Jesus Loves Me

This is one song that I often hum subsconciously, especially when I was down. It's just like an automatic function in my brain, I don't know why.
But anyway I always feel there is emptiness inside my heart that always been there all these while. Regardless I do know there are so many people out there who concerns, loves, prays and worries about me for not being able to love my self.
A few weeks ago to my surprise, I just found out that there is 1 person whom I've known for a few years and I've never really expected to bring me to her prayer every night without fails.
Today she specially prays together with me, to remind me about God loves, that God has sacrificed His own son to redeem us from sins. And suddenly I recall this song.
Hopefully from today onwards, I would be able to love and appreciate my self more and more

Umbrella

Let's not talk about the bombing lah ya..yes I do sad about all the messiness that happened back in Jakarta. My deep condolescence for all the victims..

Let's talk about umbrella...remember sometimes back I cursed Rihanna's song "Umbrella"? But now I am hooked onto it, after sometime back I went to Kuala Lumpur, and chilled out at Marriott's lounge.

The habits that I used to do during the night when I visited KL, just because the singer sometimes sings Indonesian Songs (not too often now, the group have changed), and her voices is damn good...

The last trip, she was singing Umbrella Jazz version, and now I am really hooked onto it so much, be it Jazz, be it acoustic version...it's really cool....

Pssssttt Let Me Tell You A Secret (Part 1)

I have a couple of secrets whom has been known by some of you and also might be done by some of you...

One of it is texting during my toilet break...everytime i text to some of friend, they always reply,"You must be inside the toilet"...well...don't you think it's about multi tasking things...you still can be productive when you are trying your best to do something in the toilet

But children, please do not try this at home...especially you who are using Sony Erricson Handphone...2 of my phones died either because i dropped it into the water or the water splash onto it..of course it did not happened in Singapore...

Dillema

Just received and email from Cordon Bleu London regarding my application for short course in i forgotten what I'd applied *yeah it's me, forgotten what I'd applied*
And just received a phone call, following up the email...i have to answered by next Tuesday..
Ahhhh take or not yaaaa??????

Smart Casual

The very first time I had to deal with the dress code, was when i studying in Sydney. I was invited by my friend, who stayed in her college dormitory to attend a night cruise party around Sydney Harbour, the dress code was "smart casual"
I was confused with that term as it was my first time to deal with "dress code" thingy in my life. You can call me "suaku", "kampungan", "norak", "idiot", "moron", "unhip" or what so ever, please do so.
Now after so many party or event that I have to attend, last week my cousin called me to have dinner together, she said that the dress code is "smart casual". Being experienced *caelah* and remembering this is Singapore, whereby people doesn't really strict to the dress code at all, I just thought,"I am smart, I am casual"
So I can have a conclusion me my self is "smart casual", can't I? Anyway they didn't forbid me from entering the restaurant, and there i was enjoying my dinner together with my cousin at 70th Floor of swissotel the stamford (or what I can't recall, this hotel keep on changing name regularly, until i lost track).
Was a very nice dinner, nice ambience with a nice view of Singapore Skyline as the sky was very clear that day.

Me and Britney (a confession of being Flona)

Not that I've met Britney in person. I just finished watching ther documentary "Britney: For The Record" whereby she invited the film crew into her life to capture her life for 60 days, to make public see what her actual life and feelings are...

It is very touching, seeing her not been able to have her freedom anywhere, it must be scary to live her life....it's even worse than life in the prison...whereby her life is very ironic she is free to do anything but yet she can't do anything in her own luxurious time...

When she started to say,"I'm like always running aways from my life, because I can't do a lots of things that normal people could do in their life...she has lost her freedom after being famous..and actually I've been guarded very well so far before, but I was lonely.." I felt like,"Wow, that's me...the part that I have lost my own freedom of being me...the luxurious that I've never had in my life until now..and the part that she said that she was lonely...I am lonely too..."

You can see me have a lots of friends, but friends...real friends that I am talking about..how many of them that you really have in your life...in Britney's case I still see, at least, she has the whole entourage around her..almost day and night...even though she also saying that,"When I am starting to talk about what I feel, seems like everbody is hearing but they don't really listening and understand what I am talking about...they hear, what they wanna hear they don't really listent to what I am trying to tell them...they've never get serious to listen about what I am talking about...what am I feeling right now.."

Again I was amazed,"Wow, that's me..." Even when I am telling the sore of my life, 95% of so called "my best friends" are behaving that way..and some of them also started to say "Ah...it's you just think unnecessary things...or Ah you are talking non-sense.." Or they just sheepishly turn the conversation to another topics, to avoid me talking more deeply into my real sore problems...

I really can't see the support that I expected...the support that really can accept me as per what I am...they always see me as the lucky person...but who knows behind all my joviality, my crazy silly jokes, there is a deeply wounded heart, that most of the people don't know what I am going through...

Britney said,"Even when you go to jail, there is always the time that you know when you're gonna get out..but..."

It touch me even deeper...yeah exactly...i haven't been out ever since i fell into my quarter life crisis until now...I was hoping that I could see the light at the end of the tunnel..but not..I am starting to lose hope about the light at the end of the tunnel..and started to believe that the tunnel that I am going through is the dark, deep endless tunnel...

I used tot think that my life is out of control, but actually after hearing Britney said that actually her life is not out of control, on the contrary her life is under a lot of control, and it makes her life boring...there is no excitement at all...and I realised it's true...that's what I am going through...I don't have control of my life...not even control over my maid...I am under control of my maid, isn't that silly?

In fact last night I was talking to 1 of my best friend, and he said that I am blessed by having my current maid in my life...but I told him, I felt like I even lose control over my own house...a lots of things that I would love to do it my self, but it has been taken over by her...and she refuses to hear what I wanted to do...just because my current maid might be "a starbucks graduate" who always go extra mile with the service *sigh* And after that again my friend turned the conversation into something else...AAARRRGGGHHHH COULD SOMEBODY REALLY LISTEN TO ME SERIOUSLY PLEASEEEE....

Britney also said that she is scared to go into the real happiness, just because she scared that it might be taken away someday...so she doesn't allow herself to feel...so that it won;'t be painful when it is taken away...

Again, that's me...I am not allowing my self to feel, because I just scared that when I let my feeling run, it is definitely will hurt me deeply....and because I am used to not allowing my self to feel...no I can't feel anything at all...

She also said that she always avoid to be at home, and when she was in her cars and she was driving, she always feels like going somewhere....again..it's me...just because when I am home it just like I don't have control over all the things...meanwhile when I am in my car, I have a full control over the steering wheel, my speed, where I wanna go etc...

Like her, I am also angry with my self for people taking advantages of me and angry with people lso for taking advantages of me and for letting it go on for so long..but not like her..I am stil not been able to let it go...

She could choose to be a happy person...that's also the things that I haven't been able to do...She has a lots of people around her that she could spend time with...me? Who do I have to have fun with? Yeah sometimes I do have some friends to have "a fake fun" but I really wish that I do have constant friends that I could have even "fake fun" with...

The things that keep me going until now is the responsiblity towards my parents...that's it...

And I am really wanna gain power and strength in me to be back on track, and being able to enjoy my life...Life is short, and I've spent half of it by being bitter with my life...and still not being able to let it go...will I ever be able to get happiness in my life?

New Year Reflection (Agak Basi sihh)

Yeah it's a bit too late to post this title, do you think I should put Valentine's Reflection instead?

Anyway this things always inside my minds, be it during my birthday, or during new year periods, if only I could do Ctrl-Alt-Del, or reset my life all over again....But I realise whatever had been done, can not be undone.It's no use to keep on regretting about the past. What I can do is not to repeat the mistake and just continue life, and learn from the lesson...

It's sounds simple and easy...but yet again I find it's very hard to practice...and I hope this year I would be able to learn how to just continue life and try not to repeat the same mistakes anymore. Try to do whatever I want to do because life is short...

I don't want to live my life and regret at the end, just because I didn't have chance or not giving myself a chance to do something that I really wanted to do in my life...

Hopefully I could have the courage to do so....

Typhoon

First, wanna say thanks for all of you that have been missing me so much, it wil take sometimes to do blogwalking again, please be patient with me :)

Seems that me and typhoon are destined to love each other. After last December, stroke by typhoon no 9 in the middle of the journey by ferry from Macau to Hongkong, whereby i saw the waves as high as 2 metres in the middles of the sea, and people started to panick and become merlion (read:vomitting), all the glass and plates started to stumbled down and creating a lots of noise, but i managed to stay composed and calmed the whole journey...

Last night I arrived in Hongkong with sign typhoon no.3 is striking *sigh* and according to the news that today the typhoon will be ranging from 8-10 *deep sigh*. But last night being hungry i was still straying out to look for food, the weather was very humid, until i suffered a bad anxiety attack, the air was really stagnant, i had to keep on looking around for those air conditioned shop that still open at 10.30 pm and tried to catch a breath properly there *sigh*

Now, after had my breakfast downstairs, i am staying still i the room seeing how hard the wind blowing downstairs, i see in the TV it is tphoon no.9 and the humidity is 78%, i haven't experience such a high humidity *nangis bombay*

That's mean, i have to stay still in hotel, no outside food, no shopping, no nothing.....waaa *histeris*

Happy Birthday Indonesia

Dear Indonesia, my country, and my Indonesian brothers and sisters,

I would like to say, "Dirgahayu Indonesia yang ke 63"

I am proud to be Indonesian, and always be....

I want to say to Indonesian team that won medals in the olympic,"Well Done". I am sure that one is the biggest gift that Indonesia had received for this year birthday.

I hope we as an Indonesian citizen will love our country more deeply, and try to build a better future for our country...

Once more I wanna say,"Sekali merdeka tetap merdeka"

Finally

After a very long nag towards my hair dresser (since victoria beckham cut her hair bob), finally last thursday my wish is granted *grinned*

I have a new hair do *happy*

Do you wanna know how do i look like?

See the picture attached, minus the purple back pack

RIP

Last Friday after I finished my shower I saw 4 misscalled in my handphone, normally I didn't bother to call back all the miss call, unless i recognized the number.

But this time, I called back, but when I asked what company is that, the other recipient asked me back who i was. I was confused, I had so many identity, me as a proffesional worker, me as a friend, me as a family, so finally the other party gave up, he said, may be he got the wromg number.

Not long after that the same number called again, and I recognized the voice as my dad's Singaporean cousin, she said, that her other cousin (which also my dad's cousin) had passed away on Thursdays night, I was in shocked, I only asked how did it happened, she said it was a heart attack.

Being shocked, I didn't ask further question, and just hung up the phone, and ran into my mom to break the news, my mom was in the state of shock also, she was worry for my dad's auntie, which is old and frail.

Finally we went to the wake on Saturday night, my grandauntie was calm as she had been counselled by her pastor, my auntie (the deceased sister) was calm), the 3 children was calm but the eyes were red. But his wife couldn't hold her tears as she saw me. As she has known me for ages, since I was still primary school. They were still dating at that time. As I hugged her she broke down and spoke in mandarin saying that there would be no more uncle to see when I come down to visit them. Well I just didn't know what to say, I just hugged her tightly.

My dad insisted me to go for the funeral on Sunday. Everybody couldn't hold back their tears, he is only 47 years old *sigh* And it was really sad, during the funeral for Chinese in here, they normally play some songs that the deceased like during his lifetime, and the band only play 1 song. And that song also was not played very well. It makes sense because they only have old song repertoire, so this showed that the deceased is quite young. I can't control my tears anymore during this song :(

Well...I am not that close to my uncle, he is a very shy and quiet man, but with a hot blood. His passion is cars, especially those fast cars, and he likes to speed. He is the reason why I come clean to my parents regarding my new toys, I just don't want to create trouble if this uncle see me driving my car, and talk to my parents, without my parents knowing that I own the car.

But too bad I haven't had a chance to show my car to him. Good bye uncle, Rest In Peace.

CCTV Part 2

Remember the story that my office neighbour installed a CCTV just right in front of my door? Which my verdict is because the auntie, just wanted to learn how to be as trendy as me * pe de mode on*

Anyway yesterday, I arrived at the office during the office during lunch time. The Office was locked as my colleagues were downstairs buying foor for me, and unfortunately, I don't have office key

I tried to call one of my colleagues, with hope that they brought along their handphone with them. Just when I browsed around (read as: jelalatan), I saw that the camera light kept on blinking.

When the phone connected I spoke panickly to my colleagues," Eh can you faster a bit, because I don't know this camera can zoom how many time, and I was in a rush this morning and I didn't put on any make up. Gosh the auntie would be able to see my pimple if she zoomed in. But luckily I managed to put on the eye mask last night"

Still....my vanity is working well ya....

Morale of story: Don't be lazy to put on make up, just in case you were trapped in this type of situation just like me...

Hari Kebangkitan Nasional (National Awakening Day)

There are 2 things that I wanted to say in my posting regarding Hari Kebangkitan Nasional.

Let me start with the bad news first, my deep sympathy with regards the accident that cost Sophan Sophian lost his life during the convoy to commemorate the 100th National Awakening Day. He's one of my favourite actors and I believe the whole Indonesia also mourn over this incidents. Even though this accident happened partly because of his faults, but anyway I respect him for his love for Indonesia,

Secondly, which is a very good news from my friends Yohan Handoyo, who has made Indonesia proud to have him as he has won the best wine education book in the world. I hope there would be a lot more people who could make Indonesia proud again for some achievement in the world.

With this posting I would like to congratulate my friend, Yohan, and I am very proud of him, when he told me that his book made it to the last round. I had so much faith that he's gonna win the first prize...well he did it...Well done Cak Yo...So after all those moments of getting drunk ....finally you see the light at the end of the tunnel....Long live Drunken Master

Lastly would like to wish you all Happy National Awakening Day, I hope that with this 100 years celebration, all of us would love Indonesia deeper

Origami

Do you remember during our kindergarden time, there is Origami Subject? In Indonesia we called it "Pelajaran Melipat"

I always wonder, why we should learn it in our life, until last week. I was suddenly having a bad stomach ache, and needed to go to toilet very urgently. I ran to the toilet, and didn't bother to choose the cubicle properly. Then sat down, and did my business.

Finished, I pulled the tissue, it was only 1 short piece, I thought, normally there would be another continuation of another roll of tissue...I inserted my hand to the tissue dispenser, tried to find out some more tissue, and to my horror, that one was the last tissue that I had to use to clean up *sigh*

I tried to calm my self down, seeing that small piece of tissue on my hand, suddenly reminded me of the Korean Drama "My Lovely Samsoon". Did you remember, when the boss was stranded in the cubicle next to hers without tissue paper, and what her suggestion to the boss? *tepok jidat*

Nah....after a short meditation, I decided to implied the origami lesson that I've learned in the kindergarden to the tissue. So I tried to make the full use of that piece of small tissue, folded it as many as I could so I could use it as many as I could to clean my self also.

So moral of the story: whatever lesson that you ever learned in school, no matter how stupid you think that subject is, surely will come handy for you life survival one day...

Saturday Night Fever

Saturday Night, 11.43 PM, Singapore time, I am still in the office in front of the PC, doing my work. That's how hard living in Singapore....

Even though my brai has been jammed since a few hours ago, felt tired, but yet don't have the urge to go home and sleep.

Being a coward in the earlier part when I came back to the office, I logged onto online Radio, and blasted as loud as possible....but now, being brain jammed, heck care what ever I am going to see, what ever I am going to find, I don't really care anymore....

Well...that's just a slice story of my hard life in other people's country in the name of money...

Long live money.....

Out of Tune

Yesterday, after I bought petrol and started my car, the radio was playing Michael Jackson songs, Black or White....

I was humming, until one part, I stopped humming and was confused....how come I heard "Kuaci" in the song? *gubraks*

I wanted to replay, but realised it was a radio station, til now, I was still curious about that part, and I don't have the cd *sigh*

Well, may be i need tuning....It must be you me that has been out of tune..

Abuse of Power

Being bored, I begin to play online game again, the same game that is always played by my colleague. But yet being not play it for such a long time, my record had been broken by my colleague.

Out of creativity, I told my colleagues,"Cik, selama ini gue gak pernah memerintah elo dengan posisi gue sebagai atasan lo kan ya? Jadi kali ini boleh gak gue menyalahgunakan jabatan gue sebagai atasan elo, dan gue minta elo jangan maen JT Blocks selama sebulan, biar record elo keapus, dan recod gue jadi paling tinggi?"

Am I wrong? I am the boss

Rujak Party

There are a lots of advantages for having a few Indonesian Colleagues in the office.

One of them is we could have a party just like featured in the picture on the left.

Yes, we are having rujak party...May be it's only a small things for you who lives in Indonesia. But for us, who works "demi sebakul nasi dan sesendok berlian", this moment is a very damn precious moment, which rarely happened.

It's only could be happened if we voluntarily do some good deeds towards each other, in the name of satisfying our cravings while working very hard to earn some money in foreign land *caelah bahasanya bowwwww*

Flona melaporkan langsung dari tempat kejadian :)

NB: Apapun makanannya Tissuenya tetep "PASEO" bow....for the owner of PASEO, pleaskindly endorse me for quoting your product in my blog *matre mode on*

Enchanted

I always been enchanted by all the Australia Advertisement or Qantas Advertisement.

Only the most current one which has aquote "Where the hell are you?" I don't quite like it, but the picture, still amazing....

1 Corinthians 10:13

1 Corinthians 10:13 (New International Version)

New International Version (NIV)

Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

These bible verse has been always with me for quite long. Am I asking too much from God? Do I challenge God when I quote this verse?

The song "Pelangi Kasih" had been automatically sung hundreds times inside my mind, but until now I am still asking the same question. I still can't understand anything...

May be I am not humble in the eyes of God, may be I have never really surrender my whole life and thrust my life fully in God's Hand...

As I am writing this post, I am playing "Mujizat Itu Nyata" by Joy Tobing in repeat mode and my head is very painful as though it's going to explode.

Am I that strong? Am I that stubborn? Am I that proud?

I've never found any solution for my problems, but in fact I am a coward, I always run from all my problems, and I feel I can't run anymore...I am tired, I am exhausted, I am drain and yes I am human.....