We Are The Reason

Nice songs with a deep meaning

YouTube - Glenn Fredly Dewi Sandra -- When i fall in love.flv

Everytime i see this video clip, I always feel very tragic...
Yeah they were so deeply in love and compatible when they sang this song but yet they are separated..Very tragic...
but that's life...nobody knows what's next :(

Michael Bublé - "Home" Official Music Video

Potato

Before I joined Cordon Bleu, I've never given any thought about the shape of the vegetable that I normally eat in the restaurant. Let be it tomato, carrot, potato or anything...I just though oh may be they are part of the garnish (for tomato and carrot), meanwhile I don't really care about the potato,

But after I learned different variation of cutting the vegetable, especially potato, then I realise, how much effort that the chef put in when cutting the potato,

Especially when duing the turn cut, even until now, i stil can't get it right. May be when I go back to Singapore, I'll order a 20 footer container of potato, to learn how to cut it right..

Well...I will always appreciate whatever they serve on my plate from now on :)

1 Week in London

Not exactly 1 week, but almost there...well the first time I arrive, mmm not really the first time denk..the first few days..especially when seeing all the old buildings, I was like very enchanted, but after a while it become just normal phenomenal :(

Anyway it's kind of a mix feeling for me, between I feel too early, so I have so many times (about more than a week) before i started the class. I should have come this week instead of last week. May be it also like when you come to another country for travelling purposes then you'll feel happy, but when you know that you would be stuck for likeat least a month like me, then you will started to feel miserable, just like the first time I moved to Sydney and Singapore...

Well, no offence for yout who stays in London, but I just feel I am more suitable for Sydney, the people in here, somehow is not too friendly and warm. They are very individualistic just like Singaporean. Even though they greeted you, you can feel most of them not genuine...

The safety...I don't feel quite comfortable to stay out late...it's not that I tried to compare to Singapore...even if I compared to Sydney..I feel safer in Sydney...hopefully I'll be allright...

The food, nothing authentic, I mean the Japanese food, Vietnamese food...but i haven't tried the Indian..I heard the Indian is very good.

Well...I am trying to catch some of the performances may be....

Hijrah Ke London

Learn from April, there is this songs..Miss you guys...i'll continue posting from there....Please pray for me

Happy 64th Independence Day Indonesia

Excuse Me

Last week end (from friday to sunday) i went on Star Cruise with my cousin. i was very excited as we were getting the biggest ship that they have, Star Virgo. We went for cruise to no where. It's just cruising in International water, yeah sounds like I have nothing better to do, taking this weird cruise to nowhere things.

But it's out of my expectation though, not much activity that we could do on board, practically we only went for a show that play arounds 9 somethings for 1 hour. I didn't swim because the swimming pool was very ridiculously small. And the weather was not so good either because of the Sumatra forest fire, so it was hazy :( Besides at this part of the world, what could we expect to see?

The first impression when I was walking in the hall to go to my bedroom, I felt claustrophobic, and when I entered the room, I really thank God, that I choose the room with balcony, it was a very tiny room. Imagine if there were no balcony, i'd feel more claustrophobic.

Just went out from our bedroom to check what's on board, we were walking slowly, suddenly there was somebody shouting from the back quite loudly,"Excuse me!" we turned our head to see that bloody Singaporean Auntie with the annoying look.

Being pissed with her behaviour, I shouted in Indonesia,"Mo ke mane Mpok? Yang jalan kan kapalnye". So we felt pissed just went on board had already encountered such an experience, so i told my self not to put too much expectation from this cruise, since we had that very first experience.

On the 2nd day, during the afternoon tea break, again she shouted very rudely,"excuse me", she went to take the food but from the wrong direction, felt like throwing my plate to her head.

Worse still in the night when I was in the casino playong black jack, suddenly, there is a familiar voice, but this time with a manner,"excuse me" *sigh* She sat next to me and smiled to me (this time can smile)...there goes my luck... So I decided to moved to another table to avoid any further lost...

In conclusion, the cruise is boring, the things is only gambling and eating, nothing else, the performance was good, but too bad only less than 1 hour. So just once in a lifetime experience is enough for me.

Better cruise with my own boat, even though small, but cosy...and fully equipped with all my needs...

Jesus Loves Me

This is one song that I often hum subsconciously, especially when I was down. It's just like an automatic function in my brain, I don't know why.
But anyway I always feel there is emptiness inside my heart that always been there all these while. Regardless I do know there are so many people out there who concerns, loves, prays and worries about me for not being able to love my self.
A few weeks ago to my surprise, I just found out that there is 1 person whom I've known for a few years and I've never really expected to bring me to her prayer every night without fails.
Today she specially prays together with me, to remind me about God loves, that God has sacrificed His own son to redeem us from sins. And suddenly I recall this song.
Hopefully from today onwards, I would be able to love and appreciate my self more and more

Umbrella

Let's not talk about the bombing lah ya..yes I do sad about all the messiness that happened back in Jakarta. My deep condolescence for all the victims..

Let's talk about umbrella...remember sometimes back I cursed Rihanna's song "Umbrella"? But now I am hooked onto it, after sometime back I went to Kuala Lumpur, and chilled out at Marriott's lounge.

The habits that I used to do during the night when I visited KL, just because the singer sometimes sings Indonesian Songs (not too often now, the group have changed), and her voices is damn good...

The last trip, she was singing Umbrella Jazz version, and now I am really hooked onto it so much, be it Jazz, be it acoustic version...it's really cool....

Pssssttt Let Me Tell You A Secret (Part 1)

I have a couple of secrets whom has been known by some of you and also might be done by some of you...

One of it is texting during my toilet break...everytime i text to some of friend, they always reply,"You must be inside the toilet"...well...don't you think it's about multi tasking things...you still can be productive when you are trying your best to do something in the toilet

But children, please do not try this at home...especially you who are using Sony Erricson Handphone...2 of my phones died either because i dropped it into the water or the water splash onto it..of course it did not happened in Singapore...

Dillema

Just received and email from Cordon Bleu London regarding my application for short course in i forgotten what I'd applied *yeah it's me, forgotten what I'd applied*
And just received a phone call, following up the email...i have to answered by next Tuesday..
Ahhhh take or not yaaaa??????

Smart Casual

The very first time I had to deal with the dress code, was when i studying in Sydney. I was invited by my friend, who stayed in her college dormitory to attend a night cruise party around Sydney Harbour, the dress code was "smart casual"
I was confused with that term as it was my first time to deal with "dress code" thingy in my life. You can call me "suaku", "kampungan", "norak", "idiot", "moron", "unhip" or what so ever, please do so.
Now after so many party or event that I have to attend, last week my cousin called me to have dinner together, she said that the dress code is "smart casual". Being experienced *caelah* and remembering this is Singapore, whereby people doesn't really strict to the dress code at all, I just thought,"I am smart, I am casual"
So I can have a conclusion me my self is "smart casual", can't I? Anyway they didn't forbid me from entering the restaurant, and there i was enjoying my dinner together with my cousin at 70th Floor of swissotel the stamford (or what I can't recall, this hotel keep on changing name regularly, until i lost track).
Was a very nice dinner, nice ambience with a nice view of Singapore Skyline as the sky was very clear that day.

Me and Britney (a confession of being Flona)

Not that I've met Britney in person. I just finished watching ther documentary "Britney: For The Record" whereby she invited the film crew into her life to capture her life for 60 days, to make public see what her actual life and feelings are...

It is very touching, seeing her not been able to have her freedom anywhere, it must be scary to live her life....it's even worse than life in the prison...whereby her life is very ironic she is free to do anything but yet she can't do anything in her own luxurious time...

When she started to say,"I'm like always running aways from my life, because I can't do a lots of things that normal people could do in their life...she has lost her freedom after being famous..and actually I've been guarded very well so far before, but I was lonely.." I felt like,"Wow, that's me...the part that I have lost my own freedom of being me...the luxurious that I've never had in my life until now..and the part that she said that she was lonely...I am lonely too..."

You can see me have a lots of friends, but friends...real friends that I am talking about..how many of them that you really have in your life...in Britney's case I still see, at least, she has the whole entourage around her..almost day and night...even though she also saying that,"When I am starting to talk about what I feel, seems like everbody is hearing but they don't really listening and understand what I am talking about...they hear, what they wanna hear they don't really listent to what I am trying to tell them...they've never get serious to listen about what I am talking about...what am I feeling right now.."

Again I was amazed,"Wow, that's me..." Even when I am telling the sore of my life, 95% of so called "my best friends" are behaving that way..and some of them also started to say "Ah...it's you just think unnecessary things...or Ah you are talking non-sense.." Or they just sheepishly turn the conversation to another topics, to avoid me talking more deeply into my real sore problems...

I really can't see the support that I expected...the support that really can accept me as per what I am...they always see me as the lucky person...but who knows behind all my joviality, my crazy silly jokes, there is a deeply wounded heart, that most of the people don't know what I am going through...

Britney said,"Even when you go to jail, there is always the time that you know when you're gonna get out..but..."

It touch me even deeper...yeah exactly...i haven't been out ever since i fell into my quarter life crisis until now...I was hoping that I could see the light at the end of the tunnel..but not..I am starting to lose hope about the light at the end of the tunnel..and started to believe that the tunnel that I am going through is the dark, deep endless tunnel...

I used tot think that my life is out of control, but actually after hearing Britney said that actually her life is not out of control, on the contrary her life is under a lot of control, and it makes her life boring...there is no excitement at all...and I realised it's true...that's what I am going through...I don't have control of my life...not even control over my maid...I am under control of my maid, isn't that silly?

In fact last night I was talking to 1 of my best friend, and he said that I am blessed by having my current maid in my life...but I told him, I felt like I even lose control over my own house...a lots of things that I would love to do it my self, but it has been taken over by her...and she refuses to hear what I wanted to do...just because my current maid might be "a starbucks graduate" who always go extra mile with the service *sigh* And after that again my friend turned the conversation into something else...AAARRRGGGHHHH COULD SOMEBODY REALLY LISTEN TO ME SERIOUSLY PLEASEEEE....

Britney also said that she is scared to go into the real happiness, just because she scared that it might be taken away someday...so she doesn't allow herself to feel...so that it won;'t be painful when it is taken away...

Again, that's me...I am not allowing my self to feel, because I just scared that when I let my feeling run, it is definitely will hurt me deeply....and because I am used to not allowing my self to feel...no I can't feel anything at all...

She also said that she always avoid to be at home, and when she was in her cars and she was driving, she always feels like going somewhere....again..it's me...just because when I am home it just like I don't have control over all the things...meanwhile when I am in my car, I have a full control over the steering wheel, my speed, where I wanna go etc...

Like her, I am also angry with my self for people taking advantages of me and angry with people lso for taking advantages of me and for letting it go on for so long..but not like her..I am stil not been able to let it go...

She could choose to be a happy person...that's also the things that I haven't been able to do...She has a lots of people around her that she could spend time with...me? Who do I have to have fun with? Yeah sometimes I do have some friends to have "a fake fun" but I really wish that I do have constant friends that I could have even "fake fun" with...

The things that keep me going until now is the responsiblity towards my parents...that's it...

And I am really wanna gain power and strength in me to be back on track, and being able to enjoy my life...Life is short, and I've spent half of it by being bitter with my life...and still not being able to let it go...will I ever be able to get happiness in my life?

New Year Reflection (Agak Basi sihh)

Yeah it's a bit too late to post this title, do you think I should put Valentine's Reflection instead?

Anyway this things always inside my minds, be it during my birthday, or during new year periods, if only I could do Ctrl-Alt-Del, or reset my life all over again....But I realise whatever had been done, can not be undone.It's no use to keep on regretting about the past. What I can do is not to repeat the mistake and just continue life, and learn from the lesson...

It's sounds simple and easy...but yet again I find it's very hard to practice...and I hope this year I would be able to learn how to just continue life and try not to repeat the same mistakes anymore. Try to do whatever I want to do because life is short...

I don't want to live my life and regret at the end, just because I didn't have chance or not giving myself a chance to do something that I really wanted to do in my life...

Hopefully I could have the courage to do so....